Utz Potato Chip: A Medical Demo Resource

You pass many milestones in your teenage years:  Sweet Sixteen, getting your driver's license, going to prom, graduating.  I can also add learning to swallow pills to that list.  Up until high school, I had a severe mental block about swallowing pills.  Could be tiny ones, gel ones, even slippery capsules.  It didn't matter.  I just couldn't get my throat to cooperate when I had two Tylenol or Advil on my tongue.  I'd take a big gulp of water and they would just float around in my mouth, bumping against my teeth.  I'd end up gagging or nearly choking, with tears welling up in my eyes.  It was pretty embarrassing.  I knew kids half my age who could do this with no problem.  I had pretty much accepted that crushing up pills and mixing them with apple sauce would remain a key part of my medicinal life forever.  I had visions of myself doing just that even at the age of 92.  My mom, on the other hand, thought otherwise.  It was a personal conquest of hers to have me take medication the way it was intended.  The sight of me reluctantly downing very bitter tasting apple sauce every time I had a headache or back pain was just too much for her.  One night, she insisted that I try to take two Tylenol sans apple sauce.  After some sad attempts of my own, my mother lost her patience, grabbed me by the neck, yelled for me to open my mouth, and threw a Tylenol down my throat.  When I say threw, I'm talking wound up like a major league pitcher, and catapulted that thing down my esophagus.  Amidst her yelling, I had no choice but to swallow the pill, beings as it was halfway to my small intestine already.  After this episode of hysterics, my dad entered the picture, feeling sorry for me, and tried to show me the illogical thought process I seemed to have about swallowing small little pills.  After going into an anatomy lesson about the size of my throat and the physics of pill buoyancy, he grabbed a bag of chips to use as a prop.  He put a medium sized one on his tongue, swallowed it, and showed that it was gone, ending with a simple, "There. See?"  This seemed a strange analogy to me since potato chips can melt in your mouth, become squishy, and are not nearly as solid as a hard, compressed pill.  However, I finally realized the absurdity of the situation at this point:  my mother showcasing her untapped pitching skills and my dad using fried potato slices as a teaching tool.  I slowly calmed down, tried not to think about it, grabbed Tylenol #2, took a swig of water, tilted my head back, waited for about 3 minutes too long, and finally got that oval-shaped demon down.  I'm sure it nearly dissolved in my mouth anyway, but it didn't matter.  I had done it and I haven't looked back since.  Tylenol, Advil...child's play.  Try taking a peanut-sized antibiotic with no slippery coating or gel exterior with barely a mouthful of water.  Now that deserves a circus-band-swallowing-act-drum-roll if you ask me.  I still don't miss the taste of Tylenol-laden apple sauce; some things were just not meant to be mixed. 

To The Sound of a Roaring Crowd

After having visited the shore for vacation, I began reminiscing about some of my favorite beach memories from when I was a child.  I can remember how the walk to the beach seemed to take forever or how the upside down roller coaster was so intimidating. Several memories stand out more poignantly than others.  This is one of them.  When I was younger, my parents and I would vacation at North Wildwood, NJ.  My mom and I used to stay down for an entire month in the summer.  It was really a fun, special time.  During one month-long excursion, when I was in middle school, we headed to the "boards" to shop, play, and ride.  They had just put in some new public restrooms, which were very much needed.  Everyone knows how ladies' rooms never seem to be big enough.  We decided to make a pit-stop before heading to Morey's Pier.  Nothing unusual at first.  The bathroom was bright and inviting, having just been constructed, painted, and cleaned.  However, once I emerged from my stall, I knew something was not right.  My mom and I washed our hands, glanced briefly in the mirror, and made our way to the exit.  As we approached the only way in and out, we noticed the entrance/exit door, which had previously been propped open, was shut.  Another bathroom patron was standing next to it, holding up some slats in front of the one tiny window.  Apparently, when the door was closed, the single window closed too.  Genius.  We came to realize that we, my mom, 3 other women, a younger child, and myself were locked in the bathroom.  Since this was prior to the age of the cell phone, someone had to call out to a passerby and inform them of our situation.  Fire trucks, police cars, and EMTs showed up within minutes with lights flashing and sirens booming.  One of the "bathroom six," as we soon called ourselves, began to have an anxiety attack.  The little girl with us was frightened.  Our calm and collected demeanors were fading fast.  Meanwhile, outside, different teams of people were trying to figure out how to get us out.  The first idea was to use a firefighter's ax and chop the door down.  All six of us gathered into one stall, huddled together for cover, and hoped that shards from the door would not make it all the way to the last stall.  However, city officials wanted the least amount of damage done to the new restroom, so that was out.  Next, it was suggested that we climb up through a skylight window in the roof.  This was rejected since one of the trapped maidens was a rather large woman and might not fit through the opening.  The third solution ended up being the right one:  we were going to crawl out through a grate in the front door.  After 3 hours of being stranded in the bathroom with 4 strangers and waiting patiently as they unscrewed 60 bolts in the door, we finally emerged on all fours onto the boardwalk to the sound of a roaring crowd under the bright lights of fire trucks and rescue teams.  The spectacle caught everyone's attention, even that of a local newspaper writer.  The next day, we made front page!  When we went back up to the boardwalk several days later, we saw that the entrance/exit door to the bathroom had been removed.  I'd like to think that somehow, in some weird way, we left our mark on Wildwood's boardwalk that night.  Our legacy:  door-less public bathrooms.

*Product Plug* - A Cheerful Pet Boiled Wool Dog Toys

If you have a furbaby in your life, then you should get a hold of some of A Cheerful Pet's boiled wool dog toys.  I just purchased a rat shaped toy for my little Chewie and she loves it.  I love it too, because not only is it a 100% natural wool product, but by purchasing a Cheerful Pet product, you help Nepali women provide for their families and giving them an enriched quality of life. Also, any product purchased from the PUMA collection provides food, shelter and education for the children of the PUMA orphanage in Nepal.  Another great bonus, the toys are solid and do not have stuffing.  So, your little furball can't make a hole in it and leave bits of cotton fuzz everywhere.  You can't order directly online at the moment, but I purchased my dog toy at Ocean City Dog and Kitty on the OCNJ boardwalk.  Check your local pet store to see if they carry these durable and adorable dog toys!

I Heart TechnoNerds!

Nothing beats going down to OCNJ for two weeks on vacation.  Soaking up the sun, listening to the waves, reading several books.  Perfection.  Well, on a rather warm evening, we decided to remain indoors and watch a movie instead of battling the crowds on the boardwalk or at the ice cream shops.  Typically, watching a movie involves turning on a premium movie channel or sliding in a dvd.  Well, that is just too run-of-the-mill for us.  We watched a brand-new, downloaded movie using someone else's wireless Internet signal, played it using the "enhanced" XBox, and had the sound come out of the Party Cooler.  What is a Party Cooler you ask?  Oh, it is the cooler that is the "life of the party," and it proved to be just that.  Basically, a Party Cooler is a blue and black cube-shaped, vinyl cooler with handles and a radio in front.  You can hook up an MP3 player to listen to your favorite tunes on the beach, or in this case, hook up your laptop and play a movie that's still playing in theaters.  This Frankenstein-esqe set-up, complete with multi-colored wires, rusty antennae, and remnants of fine, beach sand, worked perfectly, that is, until the 9 volt batteries inside the cooler started to slowly die out.  Pretty soon, we realized we might have to resort to using a potato.  Now that would be totally ridiculous.   

Lawn Surprises

Spring and summer means enjoying warmer weather, barbecues, soaking up the sun, and of course, lawn care.  Thank goodness for riding mowers!  Mowing the lawn is really a painless task.  In fact, it can be somewhat zen-like.  You sit comfortably on a cushioned seat, listen to your favorite music, design various patterns in the grass, and zone out.  Sometimes, you may be fortunate to find some treasures when mowing.  This could include forgotten toys, discarded items, and the occasional piece of trash.  However, at our house, you would find something even better:  a pet cemetery.  You betcha!  The first time I mowed at our house, I started in the front and then headed towards the back.  I rounded a group of shrubs and overgrown ferns only to spot several (7 to be exact) small white crosses.  I immediately thought they were relatives of the previous owner or left from Civil War times since our house is so old.  I dismounted the tractor, and on closer inspection, names such as "Sunshine," "Buddy," and "Bonny" could be seen mounted to the crosses.  Now, don't get me wrong.  There are people who would name their children these inventive, unique names but, I realized that these were markers for pets, not people.  At that point, I asked myself, which is creepier?  Immediately, scenes from Stephen King's "Pet Sematary" filtered through my mind.  To make matters worse, a small white fence encircled the area and there were fake, plastic flowers placed there to honor the critters who had passed.  Clearly, someone was very attached to their furry friends.  After deep contemplation, I thought that it really isn't too unusual for people to care deeply about their cats or dogs.  I actually warmed up to the idea, that is, until we mentioned our find to some people who know the history of our property.  "Sunshine," "Buddy," "Bonny," and the four others were all chickens.  Apparently, we have a poultry graveyard next to our house.  Something tells me that the folks over at Perdue would find that quite comical.  Every so often, late at night, we can hear the faint whispered sound of clucking floating on the breeze...

*Product Plug* - Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps

I know, I know...how many different beauty products could I possibly have and use?  It's just that lately I've been getting so many different ones, whether it be on my own or as gifts.  I don't typically try so many new products this frequently.  That being said, I do have another great one to recommend.  I recently bought one of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps.  What really sold me was the label on the product.  The soap is made with Hemp and Organic Oils.  Not only that, but it is wrapped in 10% hemp-flax / 90% post-consumer recycled paper from Living Tree Paper Co. and it is a Certified Fair Trade product.  You might be asking yourself:  What is Fair Trade?  It means that Dr. Bronner's business takes care of their employees with generous salaries and benefits (no-deductible PPO health insurance and a great profit-sharing/retirement plan that they fully fund).  They cap executive pay at five times the lowest-paid position, and they give all profits not needed for business development to support progressive charities and causes.  Additionally, Dr. Bronner's has extended this philosophy to the farmers and workers around the world who produce their major raw materials (representing over 95% of their annual agricultural volume). Along with their families and communities, they benefit from fair prices, living wages and funding for local development projects. Shifting the supply chains to certified Fair Trade ingredients makes a big difference in the lives of several thousand farmers and workers — and is money well spent.  So, as you use these wonderfully smelling and great lathering soaps (my favorite is the Peppermint), you can feel even better knowing that you are helping your skin, the planet, and other people.  Pretty cool if you ask me.  P.S.  They make more products than just soap.  Check it all out on their website!

Car Wash Fiasco

I always like going through the car wash.  It's so peaceful and I find myself completely absorbed by the sounds and sights within.  I've actually caught myself sitting in my car with my mouth wide open in amazement as the splish and splash sounds zoom around my car.  However, my most recent visit to the car wash was anything but soothing.  My dear hubby and I were driving his Porsche Boxster to my parents' house for Father's Day.  We decided to hit up the car wash on the way.  We drove top-down into the payment lane, ordered the $12 wash, and headed towards the entrance.  My husband pushed the button to put the top up and we slowly drove forward.  As we were getting onto the auto-drive mechanism, my hubby was frantically trying to get the windows up.  They just would not go up.  I started to panic because we were heading further and further into the wash and getting closer and closer to moisture.  My husband put his hand out the window and yelled to the workers to turn off the wash.  They shut everything down and I was so embarrassed since there were several cars waiting behind us.  We couldn't back up and we definitely couldn't go forward.  The windows continued to only go up 3/4 of the way.  I was envisioning us trying to use our shirts to keep the water out and being sprayed incessantly by all the different nozzles and tubes throughout the wash.  Finally, after preparing to take my own shower in the car wash, my husband realized that the roof was not snapped in all the way which led to the windows not going all the way up.  Fifteen minutes later and one near miss of a heart attack, we emerged in our shiny, clean vehicle and went on our way.  Piece of advice:  get the roof and windows up well in advance and always pack an umbrella, just in case.

*Product Plug* - Basin White Brand Body Butter

I currently have two of these body butters:  one in the Almond Coconut scent and one in the Satsuma scent.  My mom purchased these for me in Las Vegas on a recent trip.  However, you can order these online at www.basinwhite.com.  I can't speak for the other products they carry (bath salts, soaps, shower gels, masks, etc.) but, these body butters are probably the best I've ever had.  They are a bit pricey, but if you feel like treating yourself, then go for it.  I love the Almond Coconut one.  It smells so good that I almost want to eat it.  My husband even uses the Satsuma scented one.  It has a hint of orange and is refreshing.  These body butters are great to use after sunburn, after shaving, or if your skin is very dry.  Another product they have listed on their website is a shampoo bar.  I've never heard of a shampoo in a bar form, but if they are anything like the body butters, then they are probably awesome.  These products would also make great gifts for someone who likes quality items and enjoys having good personal hygiene.

Bluetooth Mayhem

This story is brought to you by way of my dear mother.  Just last week she was driving her brand new Hyundai Tucson in the parking lot of her local supermarket.  Her new car has many bells and whistles that she is not used to yet.  To give you a sense of my mother's technological know-how, let me give you some background information.  My mom still does not have a cell phone that she uses on a regular basis.  The phone she does have has a set amount of minutes on it and is never turned on.  When she does need to make a call, she yells into it as if it is a walkie-talkie with limited capabilities and she will only be on it for a maximum of three minutes.  So, you better be ready to listen to what she has to say because, before you know it, the conversation is over and you've said goodbye.  My mom's knowledge of technology is crucial to this story.  So, she was in the parking lot and she got cut off by another female driver who was, of all things, talking on her cell phone.  (That is something you don't want to do to my mom.  Trust me.)  Well, she got so flustered that she hit some buttons on the steering wheel/dashboard.  She began yelling some explicit obscenities at the driver and then all of a sudden heard:  "Pardon me?" come out of some speakers in her car.  Apparently, my mom's bluetooth capabilities in her car were switched on and somehow, she intercepted the phone call of the woman who had cut her off.  I loved this story for several reasons:  1)  I can just see this happening to my mom.  2)  It cracks me up when my mom curses.  3)  We've all wanted to tell jerk drivers what we really think in an anonymous way at some point in our lives.  I think my mom has really stumbled onto something great here.  Now if only I could help her learn how to check her email....

Crazed Animal Gutter Removal

The most random recent event in my life is one that sounds as if I made it up, but I assure you, I didn't.  My brother-in-law and I were watching the hockey game on t.v.  Out of nowhere, we heard my husband screaming and yelling from the dining room:  "Hey! Hey! Yo! Stop! No!"  At first, we didn't think anything of it.  (That may sound odd to think nothing of someone yelling loudly for no apparent reason, but then you haven't spent much time with my husband when he's watching sports.)  But, he continued for several minutes in a very loud voice which became increasingly more alarming.  We went to check on him and investigate what was causing this angered tirade.  Surely it wasn't the hockey game since it had gone to commercial.  What we found was so bizarre.  To put it in the words of Clark W. Griswold:  "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now."  We found my husband, yelling ferociously out the dining room window to an unknown, crazed Jack Russell Terrier that was literally pulling our gutter off of the house.  It is important to note that the gutter is actually bolted to the side of the house and Jack Russell Terriers are not large dogs.  However, this dog, which we have never seen before, was ripping off exterior elements of our house with reckless abandon.  The animal was so pumped with adrenaline that it wasn't even acknowledging my hubby's boisterous verbal attacks.  The gutter broke loose, fell to the ground, and a rat ran out.  Yes, my life is a circus.  All three of us went running through the house looking out the windows watching the dog chase the rat across the yard.  After a loud squeal, the dog caught the rat, shook it vehemently, and guarded his newly killed prey.  Gutters typically break off during a windy day, perhaps an earthquake, your everyday tornado, or even a passing tsunami.  Jack Russell Terriers...not so much.  I can't wait to tell National Geographic that they can film episodes of the Life series right in my front yard.  I'm thinking "The Suburban Food Chain" or "Gutters: Rat Bungalows of the Future."

*Product Plug* - Love Your Mama Exhilarating Soap

Ever since my return from Hot-lanta, I have been using one of my souvenirs on a regular basis.  I bought some artisan soap at a cute shop in Decatur, Georgia.  It is made by Love Your Mama.  My soap was called "East Atlanta," but on the website, it is referred to as "Exhilarating Artisan Soap."  It combines the lovely scents of rosemary and peppermint.  It really is refreshing and gives you a great wake-up-it's-morning kind of feeling in the shower.  I can't speak to the rest of the products made by Love Your Mama, however, if they are anything like the soap, then they are fantastic.  They would make a great unique gift for someone or a special pampering treat for yourself.  The soaps are 100% natural and little bits of plants emerge as you use it.  (You can't get any more natural than that!)  If you are looking for a new, exciting way to enhance your body cleansing experience, then this is the product for you!  Treat your nostrils and enjoy!

Sneaking In For Free Food

So, if you were wondering about my trip to Hot-lanta, I'll fill you in.  It was a business trip for my hubby and I tagged along.  In order to spend extra time with my husband, get free food, and have more fun, I had to pretend to be a part of the client base.  After a quick trip to Kinko's and finding a spare lanyard, I officially became someone else, worked for a made-up company, and scored access to all events.  The hardest part:  hanging out with my husband and pretending to not be his wife.  I called him "hon" at least ten times, tried to hold his hand on several occasions, and talked with him about his family as if I knew them (which I do.)  The best part:  being an actress for a few nights and really playing it up.  When my husband called my name, I had to be very professional and reply:  "Yes?  Oh, hello there.  Good to see you again."  When the topic of weddings came up, my hubby turned to me and said, "Well, you planned your wedding in only 6 months, didn't you?  How did that turn out?,"  I nearly choked on my Caribbean chicken.  Of course, his sly smile indicated that he was having a ton of fun making me squirm.  All in all, it was a great trip and well worth the acting.  We will never forget it and have one hilarious scrapbook to boot.  We can't wait until next year's conference!

*Product Plug* - All That Glitters Sweet Scented Shimmer Body Powder

You can't bring any liquids with you that are more than 3 oz. when traveling on a plane.  That means shopping for stuff once you land.  Great!  Well, I wanted to try to find some stuff that met my needs, but were also under the 3 oz. limit.  As far as body splashes or perfumes go, that can be tricky.  When I went to a supermarket in Atlanta to find something that would work, I came across the All That Glitters Sweet Scented Shimmer Body Powder.  It was a closeout item so I got it for only $4.99.  It smells great, is under 3oz. (so I can bring it back home), and leaves a nice shimmer on your skin.  Added bonus:  When I looked for it online to plug on here, it cost more.  Therefore, I actually got a good deal!  Good deal + good product = product plug.  Done and done.

Fear of Flying

So, why is it that when I have to fly on an airplane and as I am doing so, I play every scary plane movie scene in my mind over and over again on a loop?  I mean, really.  Prior to and during our flight to Hot-lanta yesterday, every movie remotely related to flying in an airplane flashed through my mind.  Luckily, along with the scary ones (think Final Destination, Snakes on a Plane, and Air Force One), I did have a few funny ones:  "I am serious, and don't call me Surely.", "Oh, stewardess.  I speak jive.", and "This?  Well, I could make a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl."  However, laughing out loud when I thought of these probably only served as to make my fellow travelers a bit suspicious.  At least I made it without having to be sedated.  Here's to the return flight home!

*Product Plug* - Neutrogena Try to Look Young Creams

A new feature of The Living Storybook blog will be the occasional *Product Plug.*  Any time I find an item that I simply love and adore, I will plug it on here. Why not share great finds with others?  My first product plug is for a line of Neutrogena products that I have recently been using.  The line is called Ageless Intensives.  I have been using two creams from this:  Lifting Night Treatment and Firming Moisture SPF 20.  I have been using these for almost a month now and I couldn't be happier.  They make my once tired looking skin look brighter, tighter, and clearer.  I highly recommend them.  They cost around $18 a piece, but are worth the money.  You can buy them at your local grocery store or drug store.  I've tried Oil of Olay products, but I like the Neutrogena products much better.  Here's to happy skin!

Toin Coss

Do you ever wonder about slips of the tongue?  I do.  I always think it is so strange how we know what we want to say but something else comes out.  My favorite verbal mistakes have to be when you mean to say two words and transpose their beginning sounds.  The best example of this for me is the phrase "toin coss."  My dear hubby and I watch football together on a regular basis.  We are going on 9 years of this now since we were even avid football watchers while dating.  On several occasions, with or without drinking alcoholic beverages, my hubby has referred to the coin toss as "toin coss."  I always think about what exactly is going on in his brain when this happens.  Are synapses misfiring?  Was the message lost somewhere along the nerve super highway?  I've busted on him numerous times for his beloved "toin coss."  This year, at my father's big annual Super Bowl shindig, the magical phrase reared its ugly head.  Only it wasn't my husband who yelled it out loudly in front of the entire crew of party-goers.  No, it was me.  No one said anything, despite the fact that I repeated it like five times in a span of five minutes.  Can you imagine...  "When did they do the toin coss?  I'll bet you money on the toin coss.  Who won the toin coss?  Is the toin coss important?"  No one said anything, that is, except my hubby.  He made a point to highlight my mixed-up error.  And as we cracked up laughing about this now common terminology adopted as everyday semantics in our home, everyone else just assumed we had one too many Coronas.  I actually think it sounds better as toin coss anyway.  Don't you?

Bug Dramatics

One time when I was younger, my parents and I went to Ocean City, NJ for just the day.  We had a wonderful time walking the boardwalk, hitting the special little shops along the shoreline.  On our way down the ramp, after a day of eating tasty food and finding great sales, an unexpected event happened.  My mom had been talking to my dad and I about something and mid-story a giant bug of some kind flew into her mouth right down her throat.  My dad and I didn't know what had happened.  She immediately stopped her story, began gagging, and managed to get out:  "I swallowed a bug!  I swallowed a bug!  Go get me some salt water taffy or something.  I'm gagging!  I'm gagging!  I'm going to be sick!"  At this point, the entire state of New Jersey knew what was happening since my mom is not a quiet person by nature.  Everyone was glaring at us. My poor father and I go running up the ramp, find the nearest candy store, barge through the doors, and bark at the lady behind the counter that we need some candy and we need it fast.  Once my mom had something to clear the remains of the uninvited insect guest from both her throat and her mind, all was well.  Although she insisted that it had been a huge moth or beetle of some kind, it probably was only a gnat or, worst case scenario, a fly.  We trudged back to our car with yet another fond memory and with the knowledge that when telling a story at the shore, beware of flying critters.  Otherwise, it might be Shriver's Salt Water Taffy to the rescue.

Nature Walk...The Living Storybook Type

You think nature walk and what comes to mind?  Lush trees, blooming leaves, swaying grass, enriched soil, exotic birds, unusual insects, etc.  This is what is typically encountered on a nature walk.  But, if you've learned anything about my life so far, you know that nothing is ever typical.  No, not even my nature walks.  What did we find on our nature walk?  Oh, you know, the scattered skeletal remains of some kind of wild animal.  Perfect.  Just perfect.  I love nature.

Snorkeling Does Not Equal Scuba Diving

When dating, the first time you meet your boyfriend or girlfriend's parents is typically when you want to make a good impression.  You wear your best suit or a nice dress and hope you don't stumble over your words.  The first time I met my husband's parents was an experience I will, and they will, never forget.  They were living in Hawaii at the time and I was very fortunate enough to be able to go out there to spend time with them.  We hit it off right away at the airport.  It was fairly early when we arrived so we planned on heading right to a beach.  I had never seen or been in the Pacific Ocean before so I was so excited.  I had heard stories about the clear, blue water and the abundance of sea life just waiting to be observed and photographed with underwater cameras.  We packed up the cars with all the beach gear, including snorkel equipment, and headed to Hapuna Beach.  I will never forget the view as I stood on the sandy shore looking out at the ocean.  It was heaven on earth and I thought to myself... is this even real?  My husband, future mother-in-law, and I went out into the lukewarm water together.  I had brought out a snorkel and goggles to put on and use for exploring the world below the waves.  In true Jacques Cousteau style, I spit in my goggles, positioned my snorkel perfectly over my nose and mouth, and dove right in.  Yes, I dove right in.  No, I didn't have scuba gear on.  I had snorkel gear on.  A snorkel is not meant to be flooded with water nor is the snorkeler meant to submerge themselves completely in the water.  Well, I immediately nearly drowned, re-surfaced shooting salty sea water out of my snorkel tube, and coughed until I was red in the face.  Or perhaps, I was red in the face with sheer embarrassment.  Hard to say.  Luckily, my future mother-in-law has a great sense of humor and thought that it was the funniest thing ever.  In fact, we still crack up about it to this day.  Let this be a lesson to all...snorkel and scuba are two very different things.

Note In My File At the Vet Office

So, every time I take my 5 and a half pound Yorkshire Terrier to the vet, I get a weird vibe from the staff.  It all started when I brought her over there a few months ago because she was walking funny on her rear left leg.  We were getting ready to leave on a trip to Phoenix the next day so I wanted to make sure she was okay before we departed.  We go over, head back into an exam room, and meet with a nurse.  The doctor comes in and checks her vitals.  We talk about any issues we've noticed and they check out her leg.  My dear hubby came with me out of the goodness of his heart.  Well, thank goodness he did because I ended up nearly passing out.  It began when the doctor started discussing how Chewie's back knee might just dislocate and she proceeded to explain how the bones work together.  I don't know if it was this graphic explanation or my own anxiety about flying in a plane the next day or the fact that I hadn't eaten dinner yet. Whatever it was, I felt all the color leave my face, and had to sit down.  I told my husband I had to go outside because I thought I was going to be sick.  I flew out of the exam room, ran past the front desk, and out the door.  I proceeded to head over into the landscaping (don't ask me why) and dry heave into the foliage.  I didn't want to be right next to do the door in case other patrons were coming and going.  After taking a few deep breaths, I felt a little better.  I went back in to pay the bill only to be overcome by nausea yet again.  At this point, my husband officially thought I was crazy.  I headed back to my spot amongst the mulch and ornamental grasses and gagged for ten minutes.  My husband joined me in my vomit oasis replying with a simple, "Are you okay?  I paid the bill.  Here's your purse."  I turned and smiled and thought to myself:  Wow.  That bag really looks nice with your shoes.  The green in it brings out the color in your eyes.

We've been back to the vet several times since that incident.  Every time I go now, they take Chewie out of the room into the back and do all of the procedures out of my sight.  I think they have a note in my file reading:  Overly Concerned and Easily Upset Dog Owner.  Beware of queasiness and damage to outdoor plants.

Our Christmas Tree Story 2009

In the spirit of this warmer weather, I thought I'd write a story about our past Christmas and our adventure buying a Christmas tree.  I have always wanted to chop down our own tree Clark W. Griswold style.  We ventured out into the country in my father-in-law's pickup truck.  This was no simple trip.  We decided to bring our little Yorkie Chewie along since it was her first Christmas with us.  Well, Chewie gets motion sickness pretty easily in the car and my hubby was still a little rough-around-the-edges when it came to driving a manual transmission.  To make matters even worse, we were completely lost in the middle of nowhere going up and down dark, curved country roads.  Chewie started throwing up everywhere, all over my lap.  We had no tissues or paper towels, so we pull over onto a farm driveway and I have to take off some of my layers of clothing to act as a blanket to catch all the regurgitated dog food.  We finally find the Cut It Yourself Tree Farm and, of course, it is closed.  I had the pamphlet in my hand the whole time and I had been looking at another location's hours.  Defeated, we head back home, drop off our now sick-as-a-dog dog, and decide to head over to the other tree place.  We finally find it, after having driven down several wrong roads and all the way up to someone's house thinking we were on a road when we were actually on a driveway and, lo and behold, it is closed as well.  This time I had been looking at the third location's hours.  (Yes, I am serious.)  My dear husband was so fed up, he was tempted to just leave money in the shed door and chop a tree down right then and there in the middle of the night by himself.  I didn't want to get arrested for trespassing, so we didn't go that route.  What did we do?  We went to a hardware store the next day in pouring rain to get one from a pretty shabby looking lot.  Maybe next year will be the year we chop down our own tree...

Black Velcro Sneakers

Most people try to follow the latest fashion trends and appear like they are part of the hip crowd.  Others, like my husband, prefer to set the pace for fashion and be innovative.  Yesterday, my hubby played some basketball with a few work friends after the work day.  Needless to say, he was not dressed for the occasion.  So, he headed over to the nearest Kmart and picked up some "Protege" brand mesh shorts and an even more impressive pair of black (yes, black) velcro sneakers.  To further enhance his fashionable attire, he kept all of the price and brand tags on throughout the game.  When I asked why he left all the tags on, he simply replied, "That's style, and who knows, I may want to return them."  I live with the next editor of Vogue magazine.  Look for black velcro sneakers to hit runways near you!

Polish Easter Traditions

I talked to my mom on the phone today and she reminded me of a great story.  This story is actually one from the glorious year of 1994.  My loving Dziadzi (grandfather in Polish) was chosen to be on Good Day Philadelphia to showcase how he celebrated Easter with Polish traditions.  We were all so excited to be a part of this 5 minute segment.  My mom, dad, two aunts, uncle, cousins, grandmother and I all stood around the decorated table set with Polish food and we looked like idiots.  Not one of us said a word we just stood there and smiled.  My Dziadzi was so honored and proud to be sharing his table and traditions with the world that he had his speaking parts written down on index cards.  His serious, stoic voice served as narrator as the camera panned over each item.  "The salt and pepper represent...Here we have the butter in the shape of a lamb....You will see we have two kinds of kielbasa:  smoked and fresh..." My grandmother continuously nodded her head throughout the production as if to say, "Yes, that's right.  He knows his stuff."  Meanwhile, the rest of us were just grinning away motionless in the background after being advised by the television crew to not cause a distraction.  Standing with our arms at our sides, afraid to move or make a sound, smiling away is how we spent our 5 minutes of fame.  Talk about feeding into the Polish stereotype...

Decisions, Decisions

Knowing your own weaknesses is a sign of maturity and offers one an opportunity to grow and change..or at least I hope.  I had set out today to add some nice foliage to our front yard since this past winter was so very cruel.  I picked out some hosta, mulch, and potting soil at Home Depot.  All of that took about 20 minutes.  But, lo and behold, I had yet to pick out some flowers.  Flowering plant of choice:  pansies.  I don't have much of a green thumb and these little guys are typically hardy and easy to care for.  They are, however, difficult to choose.  Apparently, there are at least 20 different kinds of pansies available at Home Depot.  For a normal person, that means great selection and diversity.  For someone like me, who takes 38 minutes to pick out a bunch of bananas at the supermarket, that means confusion and second-guessing.  I know that I have issues with indecision and you would think that knowledge would prove helpful.  Not really.  Bottom line:  the landscaping out front looks lovely regardless of the fact that it took me over 20 minutes to pick out each one of the five pansies that now grace our front yard.  Some things will just never change.  Here's to picking the perfect flower!

Stealing My Plastic Bugs

So, I'm in Target today and there are plastic bugs on sale.  Giant bugs $1 a piece.  Perfect for next month's theme in school of Bugs/Plants.  I put six of these lovely specimens in my cart and continue shopping.  After throwing a few more items in and heading towards the checkout, I decide to park the cart and check out their selection of flip-flops. Upon my return to the cart, I catch a little boy knee deep in my cart trying to quickly gather up the giant bugs.  I make sure he isn't with a scary, threatening-looking parent, and say, "Hey...where are you going with those?"  He looks at me sheepishly, hands them over, and says, "Here ya go."  I inform him:  "I need those.  I'm a teacher."  He replies, "You're a teacher?" and walks away.  I thought for a second...why was that so surprising for him to hear?  Was it because I was sporting my Star Wars t-shirt and jeans or perhaps because I was upset about the thought of losing my giant bugs?  You really can't mess with a teacher who found a cheap teaching tool at Target.

Botox, Baby!

I can't take credit for this story as it is not my own.  My good friend called me today to chat.  She had a great story for me that I feel the need to post.  Over the weekend, she had braces put on her teeth.  She proceeds to tell me that while at the orthodontist office, her orthodontist told her that she should get Botox.  Mind you...she is only 26 years old!  She looked with hindsight at the situation:  I'm not 12 years old and I'm in an orthodontist office getting braces put on only to be told that at 26 years of age I have "worry lines" and could use some Botox.  Unreal.

Dog's Water Bowl

It could be in the kitchen in a corner...by the couch in the family room...completely out of the way someplace...but no matter where the dog's water bowl is, my dear hubby walks into it.  You hear the slight clang of metal, a tiny splashing sound, and voila...another miniature puddle on the floor in yet another locale.  Mind you, our dog is a Yorkshire Terrier and her bowl is the size of a hamburger.  However, despite this fact, my husband needs to change yet another pair of soggy socks.

Finally Posting

I'm actually composing a post for this blog.  It only took me all day to get started.  But, now that I am, it's time to start sharing stories.